July 17, 2013

What a day!

I am not one to handle stress well...at all. Today has been one of the most overwhelming days I have had in a while. I decided a nap would help me escape for a while, but unfortunately, that didn't work out for me.  Have you ever felt too overwhelmed to sleep?!?! So, I thought maybe blogging about my day would help release some stress & give me the motivation to get some things done.  Here we go...

5:00 am...I rush out bed & throw on a pair of scrubs. I'm feeling rested & ready to start the day. I look in the mirror to make sure I am somewhat presentable, and that's when I noticed it...Vaseline stains...(I discovered these stains a few days ago on 4 pairs of my scrubs, as well as, a recently purchased Alabama tee.  I have pretreated these articles of clothing numerous times with Tide, Mean Green, & Greased Lightening.  Those pesky stains are still there! I am ready to just say forget it & wear them anyway.) So, there I am taking my shoes back off and trying to find stain-free scrubs...10 mins after I was supposed to be leaving for work. Thankfully, the red lights were on my side & I made to work on time.  

Ah work....nothing like getting punched in the rib cage to make your day better.  Luckily, I got an extra little break from work as I had about a 30 min drive to meet with my academic advisor. I know have my  degree in hand & my estimated graduation date is spring 2016.  The ADN (RN) is a 5 semester program, but because I have some of my academics already completed, I am left with having semesters containing only 1 or 2 courses! According to my advisor, this is a great thing.  I will try to keep her advice in mind, being that she has a masters in nursing ;) I was feeling extremely positive & ready to get this Fall semester started, and then she dropped a bomb on me...as of this fall, you're required to have a 18 on the ACT. I never had to take the ACT, and the thought of taking it instantly put a knot in my stomach.  Why, you may ask. Well, because I hate math.  I hate it more than anything.  I would rather go have all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled again, than to have to deal with algebra. Math anxiety...that's what I have & it is horrible! Oh well, maybe I can run across a few (it will take more than one to make me understand the craziness of putting numbers & letters together) precious souls with abundance amount of patience that would be willing to hang out some & drill this math into my head.  Did I mention that one of my classes this fall is intermediate college algebra???? Ahhh!!! 

While the break from work was welcomed, my absence cause my partner & I to fall behind a bit, which means that we went nonstop from 10:30-2:00 trying to get caught up. Anyway that has worked with me, knows that being behind completely stresses me out.  Luckily, we were able to finish on time.  

I get home, excited to just fall on my bed & breathe for a moment...yeah right.  I walk in to clothes that had been thrown all over the place during the morning shenanigans. I am instantly reminded of those stupid stains, which after the day I had, are even more irritating! So, I grab the Green Lightening again, scrub the stains, & throw them back in the wash.  They are air drying now & I'm really not wanting to go see if the stains are still there, but I will. I know you all are dying to know the result...
Well, the stains are still there, but not as noticeable.  It will have to do.

In some way, writing about my day has definitely made me realize that it really wasn't that bad.  I do have a lot to be thankful for.  Now, to put this. iPad down, and get these clothes hung up. Thanks for reading! 

Psalm 61:2 - From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 


July 9, 2013

Satuesday

Working in the healthcare field, my "weekends" sometime do not occur on Saturday & Sunday. In fact, they very rarely occur on those two days. Anyway, this blog isn't about my work schedule. 

I have found my new favorite thing to do while I am sunbathing: listen to the audio of sermons. I plugged in my headphones to my iPad, closed my eyes, and absorbed God's word while absorbing some vitamin D.  I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before. It is the perfect "God time" opportunity. No interruptions. Just you, the sun & The Son. It was great! 

I also got to spend some time with my precious mama today. Even though we live next to each other, our work schedules usually make it difficult to spend much time together. I had mentioned that I had gotten a craving for chicken & dumplings on a prior phone call with her.  Of course, my dinner was just that :). I may be slightly spoiled, but she is greatly appreciated. 

My day ended at the tattoo shop. Yes, I finally got my tattoo! It is perfect & I feel so accomplished to mark that off my bucket list. I had one of my closest friends right there with me & she says I handled it like a champ. The pain wasn't bad at all. A couple parts had my eyes water a little, but no tears ever formed lol I am sure I will be judged, ridiculed & looked down on because of my choice of getting a tattoo, but I am sure there will be more people in hell that look down on others,  than they are those with tattoos. 

Fearless 365. Ironically, "Fear not" is used 365 times in the bible. 


July 7, 2013

Tale Behind the Tat

I have been contemplating getting a tattoo for a few months now.  I knew where I wanted the tattoo to go....on my left wrist. I knew that I wanted the infinity symbol~ It has intrigued me for a while now.  INFINITY : Unlimited extent of time, space, or quantity: boundlessness   While I completely accept the notion that "nothing lasts forever", I do believe that one's way of thinking can be unchanging.

The infinity symbol by itself was too...."bland", if you will. This is a tattoo we are talking about here! Nt something that I could wash off in a few months if I got tired of it. I wanted...needed something with more meaning. Something that would be a reminder every time I looked at my wrist & something that would be backed with a great story to tell when asked about it. At that moment, I knew I wanted a meaningful word put in the symbol. I thought about this & thought about it.  Going through different words..."family", "love", "strength". Then "courage" came to me from nowhere. Yes! This was the word I needed to complete the tat. I started praying about it. The idea of the permanence of my choice was haunting me.  Not like ghosts or something like that, but more like butterflies in my tummy. I had an uneasy feeling about it. Then I started doubting.  A couple weeks later, I was on the way to tupelo with my mom. That's when I heard it...the word that would make my tattoo complete, perfect & full of meaning ~FEARLESS~ 

Now to see it drawn out....I tried to do it myself. That was a disaster. I made attempts to have other people draw it out. That never happen. A month or so later, I ended up in a tattoo shop with a friend of mine while she was getting "inked up". That's the cool term for getting a tattoo...I think. While there, I talked to the tattoo artist about what I wanted & where I wanted it to see if it was even possible ( I have extremely small wrists).  He said it was & was nice enough to draw out my lil creation. It was perfect & just what I had pictured in my head. 

I have stared at this every day for the past few months in an attempt to prepare myself for the permanence of a tattoo. I have prayed about it & prayed about it some more...after all, God is my best friend.  I had it confirmed multiple times, that this, indeed, is what I am suppose to have.  In a couple of days (hopefully), the symbol that you see above, that means so much to me, will have a permanent
spot on my left wrist. Every time I glance down, I will be reminded to always be fearless...no matter what.


1 John 4:18  There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 
Proverbs 3:25-26 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for The Lord will be at your side and will keep our foot from being snared. 
Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life-whom shall I be afraid? 
Proverbs 29:25  Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. 
Isaiah 35:4  Be strong, do not fear, your God will come. 

July 6, 2013

Love is....

"I love you", in my opinion, are 3 of the most overused words in today's society. Unfortunately, a lot of people just throw these words around like they are nothing & in most cases, are followed by actions that say something completely different.  Actions really do speak louder than words. I dare you to come up with just one example in which words show you more than what actions do. 

What is love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 explains it in detail. 

Love :
Is patient
Is kind
Does not envy
Does not boast
Is not proud
Does not dishonor others
Is not self-seeking
Is not easily angled
Keeps no record of wrong doings
Does not delight in evil
Rejoices in truth
Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres

I will not only use this as the guidelines to determine how real someone's love is for me, but to also remind me how to love.  We accept the love that we think we deserve. None of us should accept anything less. 



July 5, 2013

30 Something

Well, here it is... 8 months after my 30th birthday. Married to the man of my dreams, a couple beautiful children, & completely content in a career that I love...right? Wrong.  Every day, my Facebook is filled with status updates about someone getting married or having babies. I literally see hundreds of pictures on FB & Instagram of cute kiddos & couple lovey-dovey poses... you know, the kind that makes us single folk gag.  In all seriousness, I am happy for my peers that have found their happily-ever-after. 

Most people, ok everyone that knows me well, knows that I have a tendency to be a negative person, especially when it comes to myself. About a year ago, I decided to start making some changes in order to have a more positive outlook on myself. After all, i was turning 30 and nowhere close to where I wanted to be at this age. 

First of all, I was extremely insecure about my weight. I never wanted to go anywhere because I didn't have anything "cute" to wear.  I didn't have anything cute to wear because I hated shopping. I hated shopping because I couldn't find any clothes that I liked that came in my size. And when I did find something that fit, I was disgusted by how big the clothes were. Needless to say, I would end up leaving the store with nothing. Thankfully, I decided I was sick of feeling that way. I started exercising, eating better, and became extremely active. Now, I am 75 pounds lighter and far more happy than I was a year ago. I am currently working toward being another 25 pounds lighter & enjoying a nice little shopping spree to celebrate my accomplishment :)

Another change that I made for the best was in my career. I have always enjoyed helping people anyway that I can.  My mother has told me for as long as I can remember that I should be a nurse. My answer was always, no! Mostly because of having to deal with needles, blood & other bodily fluids. My how things have changed. I am currently a nursing assistant & get great satisfaction out of my job. I deal with things on a daily basis that I never dreamt of being able to handle. A few months ago, I developed a hunger for more.  While in class, I found myself drawn to more intense parts of my Fundamental of Nursing book. And that's when it hit me....I want to be a nurse. I not only want to make a difference in people's lives, I want to save them. Yes, I know most people my age had decided what they wanted to be when they grew up, years ago. Luckily for me, I don't like being like everyone else :)  It's crazy how God works things out.  

My last statement leads me to my most important change since becoming 30. Me being the control freak that I am, has always struggled with letting go & letting God. A little while ago,I was dealt something that I never saw coming. Something that caused me a great deal of disappointment.  But it was something that got my attention. It broke me & made me extremely weak & forced me to turn to the one person that has always been there...even when I didn't acknowledge His presence.  It was in that moment that I finally "let go". I gave it all to Him. Words cannot describe the peace that overcame my entire being. I felt a tremendous weight had been lifted off me & now, I can honestly say that my 30 something's are to be my best years yet, simply because of who is now in control. 

 If you are like me, you feel the need to be in control of everything & have your hand constantly going to do your best at making sure that everything happens the way you want it to.  The reality of it is, it's not about YOUR want, it's about HIS will.  His will is far greater for me than anything I could ever accomplish on my own. And the beauty of achieving His will is, get this, by letting go and being still. 

Exodus 14:14 NIV "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."